Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
