It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
