Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
