I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
