just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wear drunk well.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
