Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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