Since when is my name a synonym for head?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
