Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
