I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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