dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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