u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
