I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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