he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize