fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my vagina is haunted
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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