After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
