Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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