I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I still have a little drunk in my system
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
