Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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