Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
