I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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