In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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