Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
