wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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