Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
