Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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