im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
