i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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