Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
