I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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