Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
