My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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