my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
