i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
