Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
