I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
