I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
