he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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