i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
