I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
