ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
