the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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