im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
