conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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