The best revenge is premature balding
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
