i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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