I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
