Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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