look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
