well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
