He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
