Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
