Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
