I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
