I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
