I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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